jueves, 8 de febrero de 2007

es de acuarios ser escéptico

para control_zape, por sus 20 + X años

aplicando los métodos científicos de los paralocos, llegué a la conclusión de que es naturaleza de los nacidos entre el 21 de enero y el 19 de febrero ser escépticos [y sangrones y burlones], pues control_zape y yo nacimos entre estas fechas (también matt groening)

luego, hice una profundísima investigación en diversas páginas de astrología para ubicar características astrológicas del escepticismo acuariano.

según astrología.org

el signo solar [que es el que todos por costumbre nos sabemos] no necesariamente rige las energías de nuestro ser y el camino de la vida que debemos seguir. según esto, una persona puede tener el sol en géminis, pero encontrarse más representado por otro signo debido a que la luna y el resto de los planetas [espero que ya excluyan a plutón] pueden encontrarse en diferentes signos y cualquiera de estos puede tener un papel principal, además de que hay ascendentes y mil mamadas más [pts!!! sí, el horóscopo es exactísimo]

de acuerdo a esta certerísima apreciación de las estrellas, los acuario somos o poseemos o no entendí qué chingados:
armónicas: independencia, libertad
inarmónicas: rebeldía, contradicción
animales regidos por acuario: águila
países: japón [¿?]
números: 5
color: violeta, verde
gemas: turquesa
signo: fijo y positivo
elemento: aire
planeta regente: urano y saturno
metal: uranio
día de la semana: sábado [día de fiesta y descanso....faltaba más]

según ruby díaz, astróloca colombiana especializada en españa [whatever that means], los signos se agrupan según dos sistemas: ternario y cuaternario.

ternario: hay signos cardinales, fijos y mutables. acuario es de los fijos [chale, de hueva], y es de los signos de estabilidad, firmeza, voluntad, constancia, emociones fuertes, paciencia, aversión al cambio, resistencia, conservación, decisión lenta, sentimientos estables. defectos: rutina, estrechez de espíritu, intolerancia y falta de adaptabilidad
[yo no me identifico con ninguna de estas características, y como esperaba, son contradictorias con lo que dice la página anterior]

cuaternario: agua, fuego, tierra y aire. acuario es de aire contrario a lo que la lógica nos llevaría a pensar. me gusta más la definición de este: signos de inteligencia, estudio, ciencia, invención, vitalidad mental. defectos: inconstancia, incumplimiento, indecisión.
[ah chinga!! qué no según el terciario tenemos voluntad y constancia??]

me da un poco de hueva revisar la descripción completa del signo según esta colombiana, pero aquí está todita.
sólo quiero resaltar los siguientes puntos:

palabra clave: yo sé […que todo esto es una mamada. técnicamente eso es una frase]
planeta regente: urano [menos mal que no es plutón, me sentiría perdida en el espacio]
partes del cuerpo: tobillos, piernas, muñecas, sistema nervioso, circulatorio y glandular [partes que qué? no entiendo si son las más sensibles, las que tengo que cuidar, o simplemente las que tengo]
animales: el adolescente, el perro, la corneja [ok, los adolescentes son lémures y luego evolucionamos a homo sapiens adulto contemporáneo]

profesiones: ingenieros de sistemas, electrónicos, electricistas, aviadores, inventores, metafísicos, astrónomos, astrólogos, hombres de ciencia, ecologistas, profesiones relacionadas con las organizaciones cooperativistas, sociólogos, servicio social, voluntariado, defensores civiles, neurólogos, psiquiatras, radiólogos, traumatólogos, ortopedistas, todas las profesiones en las que se sienta libre y nada rutinarias. [le atinaste, zape. yo sigo en búsqueda de mi profesión, tal vez me haga hombre de ciencia y deje el periodismo, jajaja]

además hay acuarios positivos y negativos. tendrá algo que ver con el factor rh?

la página secretos mágicos ofrece diferentes opciones de horóscopo: celta, solar, lunar, maya, azteca, egipcio, chino y numerología [uff…les faltó el del árbol],
además ofrece conjuros y hechizos para almas desesperadas que les urge novio o echarle pasión a la vida.

los ojos de acuario tienen cierta vaguedad, como si albergaran algún
conocimiento mágico y misterioso. su pelo es con frecuencia lacio y sedoso, y
probablemente rubio de color arena o castaño claro. el perfil es de
inconfundible nobleza; tienen rasgos delicadamente cincelados. es frecuente que
un verdadero acuario deje caer la cabeza cuando piensa en algún problema, o
simplemente cuando le han hecho una pregunta. la cabeza cae bruscamente hacia
delante o se inclina hacia un costado en espera de tu reacción.


[*chicharra de error* mis ojos demuestran hueva, mi pelo es chino e hirsuto y mis rasgos no son delicadamente cincelados. según esto horatio caine (csi miami) es acuario. chéquenlo bien]

con la gente de urano tendrás que estar constantemente dispuesto para lo inesperado [ah chinga!! me vengo enterando ahora que sí hay vida humana fuera de la tierra]

la política le fascina, los deportes le absorben y los niños le seducen, pero lo mismo sucede con los caballos, los automóviles, los astronautas, los descubrimientos científicos, etc [bueno, vivo de hacer comentarios de política, me cagan los escuincles y los deportes, y no soy zoofílica]

pueden ser divertidísimos, perversos, originales, engreídos e independientes, pero también diplomáticos, suaves, compasivos y tímidos [perversa, sobre todo perversa y divertidísima…jeje]

una de las enseñanzas de la astrología es que lo que piensa acuario es lo que pensará el mundo dentro de cincuenta años [vientos zape! ya la hicimos]

por otra parte, también son de este signo gran número de internados en instituciones de salud mental. dicen que es muy tenue la frontera entre genio y locura [bueno, syd barrett se salvó del manicomnio por que era capricornio]

basta!! estoy harta y me imagino que ustedes también.

no voy a concluir que la astrología es una reverenda tomadura de pelo porque todos sabemos eso. más bien seguiré riéndome a escondidas de mi jefe de las tarugadas que inventan sobre mí y otros miles de millones de seres humanos que nacimos “bajo el signo del aguador”.

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